Forgetting to Want

Let’s kick this blog into high gear. I wrote this piece fairly recently during a time of my life when things were very unclear. They still are to an extent, and I think we all go through periods where we just think “what on earth am I doing?!”. I don’t personally feel this is one of my best ones, but if you have a moment, I’m always happy to read your opinions, constructive or otherwise! (Oh and I didn’t mean to “like” my own post. It was an accident and WordPress seems to have removed the function where I can unlike it. Apologies for seeming vain haha).

Forgetting to Want

She sits there drowning from the fall
And all she feels are these four walls
Inch by inch they close on her
And she thinks back to how things were

She wants to feel it on her skin
But no matter what she cannot win
Emotion’s gone and all that’s left
Are the broken pieces she has kept

Can’t seem to bring herself to care
Just blankly gaping at what’s not there
She cannot move, she cannot feel
Everything’s no longer real

Desire’s gone and so has faith
She cannot even come to hate
The bottle’s empty and so is her soul
There’s nothing she can seem to hold

She tries to remember what it was like
To want, to need, to live and strive
But what’s the point when meaning’s gone
And everything just seems so wrong

Wishing she could say goodbye
But she’s forgotten how to try
What was the meaning of it all?
Why some rise and why some fall?

She’ll sit there while the world moves on
While people dance and sing their songs
She’ll begin to fade and be forgot
Drowning into all she’s not

People they just walk on by
It’s how we live and how we die
But she’s just stuck on her own plane
And all she knows is wordless pain

She understands that in this world
She’ll always be that lonely girl
Nothing done is good enough
The easy things they seem so tough

If everyone can figure it out
But she stays here so filled with doubt
What’s the point of wanting more?
When failure’s all she’s known from before

So she’ll sit here forgetting how to cry
And the people will just walk on by
She’s numb, she’s disappearing into herself
Not even wanting to ask for help

Forget to want, forget to live
In this life that’s how it is
Fade away and don’t come back
Leave behind all that you had

I try to reach my hand to her
To tell her all that she is worth
But how much can she really be
When my own reflection stares back at me?

© Lily K. Lynn 2011

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