My Right to Breathe

My Right to Breathe

They ask me why I choose solitude
Why I always seem so blue
Searching for the meaning in every sunrise
Searching for the wings to fly

Something they don’t understand
Trying to hold the world in their hand
Suppressing fears and tainted souls
Beating hearts with gaping holes

You question my silence and I ask why
You fear death, but everyone dies
So I may live life on a different plane
And you worry ‘cause I’m not the same

But I’m tired of putting on a face
Just to blend in with the human race
I got greater things on my mind
I got greater journeys to find

It’s not that I don’t see my flaws
No need to tell me what you saw
But I know the gifts I need to give
I know the way I want to live

When you’re sure, why do you hide?
When you know what you are inside
I’m fighting for my right to breathe
For everything I am beneath

I’m tired of pretending, don’t you see?
I just want the freedom to be me
So solitude is the price to pay
The stares and gossip from yesterday

I’m always here and they are there
But my mind is always everywhere
I protect my soul to keep my faith
From this world’s constant cruelty and hate

Why am I condemned for being true?
I am me, and you are you
We both got our own places to find
Yours is yours, and mine is mine

So I ended up choosing solitude
Happiness beneath a mask of blue
Yet all you can worry about is me
Instead of all the ugliness you see

If we could all shift focus to growing the world
I’ll no longer be to you “that lonely girl”
So don’t treat me like some lost cause
My dreams and goals were never yours

I like being different, so deal with that
I’ll never be in that same place you’re at
I’m fighting for my right to breathe
So you stay you, and I’ll stay me

I’ll see you on the other end
When I’m no longer something you need to mend
When my solitude touches another soul
With its burning, spreading, fiery glow.

© Lily K. Lynn 2011

Beautiful Breakdown

Beautiful Breakdown

It hides in the corner, always unseen
Blurred by the tears you cry
Clouded by the ache you feel in your heart
Dampened by your ‘what if’s’ and ‘why’s’

It’s the light behind the wall you built
The sun hiding behind the clouds
It’s laughing in the rain sometimes
Those days you just want to feel down

It’s everywhere, if you dare to look
If you dare to seek it out
If you don’t fear the rainbow after the rain
It’s what everything is all about

Life can be so cruel sometimes
It would be easier to drift away
But find the beauty in every breakdown
The sunrise in every new day

Smile through the tears you need to cry
Get up when you want to stay down
Look for the rose among the thorns
Be free, be you unbound

So you got broke once more again
The world turned black and white
But look for the colours you thought you lost
And let your heart take flight

For beauty is always everywhere
Even as you fall to the floor
Even on those darkest days
There’s always an open door

So don’t give up, oh don’t you drown
There’s still so much to see
Fallen in the breakdown again
But within, there’s always beauty.

© Lily K. Lynn 2011

Dear Man in Red

Dear Man in Red

I wished for a doll when I was five
It was all I needed to get on by
I left cookies and milk for the man in red
And like a good girl, I slept soundly in bed

I liked to put decorations on the tree
And believe in those childish fantasies
I liked the music, I enjoyed the lights
I savoured the excitement of Christmas Eve night

What happened to me over the years?
The world broke my soul and sent me to tears
Now all I want is to be left alone
To suffer through the cheer all on my own

It all feels forced, like a wired on smile
Fake merriment, so loathsome and vile
If I hear jingle bells one more time
I may just surely drop dead die

So do me a favour, man in red
Don’t drop down the chimney when I’m in bed
Unless you have something I really need
Like a kindness, some faith, a real good deed

Give me the tools to change this place
Give some hope to the human race
A doll made me happy when I was five
But a doll was all I needed, then, to feel alive.

© Lily K. Lynn 2011

My Wings

My Wings

One by one I see them go
Disappear with wings they grew
I always thought I’d go with them
I’d have those same wings too

Instead I find I’m left on ground
My wings are not the same
They must work harder to make me fly
And I feel so ashamed

They’re not completely flown yet
But soon they’ll make it there
Then they’ll turn and look at me
With pity and despair

For I’m the one who’s left behind
Not born to fly with them
So I guess I’ll really lose them all
And it’ll just be me and my pen

How easy it would be to want
To grow those same wings too
Yet no matter how hard I try at it
It’s not what I was born to do

So I guess I must learn to be okay
With being left behind
With the whisperings and the curious stares
That say: she’s going out of her mind

I guess I was never meant to keep up
The memo wasn’t given to me
So I never learnt how to build those wings
That would fly to where I should be

So today I take off the wings I tacked on
With tape and broken strings
The wings I tried to make like theirs
For the joy I thought it would bring

I start from scratch to create my own
And though it will take more time
When I finally make it up there one day
At least I’ll know they were mine.

© Lily K. Lynn 2011

The Rose

The Rose

I hate this place, this barren place
Where fear lives in my heart
I’m scared of every corner
I don’t know where to start

The roses grow at the very top
They almost reach the sky
Yet all I see are the thorny stems
I must struggle up to get by

The light lives in the distance
There is darkness all around
I look for the light switch in the black
But alas, it can’t be found

I begin to doubt my ability
To get out of here alive
The world begins to close on me
And I wonder how I’ll survive

The monsters whisper into my ear
They tell me it’s too hard
They tell me of the failures
That live inside my heart

It’s getting hard to see now
Perhaps it wasn’t wise
To put all my faith in only one
To think that would suffice

The rain begins to fall on me
The thunder strikes in the sky
I cut my hand on a hidden thorn
The blood seeps out and I cry

The ground cracks beneath my feet
It wants to take me down
I scream only to realise that
There’s no one left in this town

So I grab onto that thorny stem
And I begin to climb
My hands begin to throb and bleed
But I concentrate on my mind

I don’t know if I’ll make it now
The rose seems far away
Yesterday’s gone, tomorrow’s unknown
All I have is now and today

Then suddenly the pain is gone
The sun peeks out from the clouds
I look below to the barren land
But I can hardly see the ground

So I turn my head toward the sky
And there it is, that rose
I bend in very close to it
It gently brushes my nose

I go to pluck it from the stem
But the blood drips from my hands
It stains the petals a glorious red
A reminder of all I am.

© Lily K. Lynn 2011

Inside A Box

Inside A Box

When I realised the mistakes
I had in doubting you
I made a promise to be kept
With what I was to do

I failed to realise soon enough
That life’s not always fair
Tragedy befalls us all
Deceit, deception, despair

How can I stand here and be strong
While you are so broke?
Please see the truth among the lies
Just have a little hope

One more promise I give to you
Impossible to break
I place my heart inside a box
As only yours to take

The box I lock securely
And give the key to you
No matter how apart we are
No matter what we do

You’re the one I want to choose
To hold onto this key
To hold the power to my heart
To shape my destiny

Then when the time is right
I won’t have to wonder who
The box is yours forever
For my heart belongs to you.

© Lily K. Lynn 2011

Freak Out

So, I’ve finished my book. Let the freaking out begin as I try to get my proverbial foot in the door. Word spew poetry alert below.

Freak Out

So it begins, the start of it all
And I wonder how many times I will fall
I’m freaking out, I’m terrified
From everything I feel inside

Can’t stop it now, I’ve come too far
To get to where it is you are
Can only stand my ground and fight
Until I reach those whole new heights

I saw the struggle in every star
Those nights I watched them from afar
I knew I’d make it there one day
And feel that struggle along the way

You’ll want to give up sometime soon
‘Cause no one will believe in you
They’ll beat you down, they’ll make you cry
They’ll make you suffer and want to die

They’ll tell you you’re not good enough
So pack your bags, cut loose and run
You may believe the words they say
But no matter what, just find a way

This is it, darling, the start of it all
And yes, don’t doubt you will certainly fall
Not once, not twice, but a hundred times
But in the end, I promise you’ll be fine

 Don’t fear the failure that will test your strength
The obstacles that will lie ahead
It’s just one part toward your dream
To everything you are going to be

So freak out now, freak it all out
Until you’re left with little doubt
You can’t stop now, you’ve made up your mind
So get up, honey, it’s time to shine.

© Lily K. Lynn 2011

Once Upon A Time

Inspired by the television show “Once Upon A Time”…

Once Upon A Time

Prince Charming come take me
Come riding on your steed
Come take me to that other place
Where I know I ought to be

You see I’m not meant for this world
Where everything feels so grey
In my heart I’ve somehow always known
It was never meant to be this way

They tell me I must stop dreaming
Stop getting lost in fantasy
Stop watching those films and reading those books
Or you’ll lose your identity

Then why is it I feel at home
When I live within those tales
Why do the characters speak to me?
Why does my heart take sail?

I think I wasn’t meant for here
I’m meant for magic and knights
I’m meant for princesses and casting spells
For a world where dragons take flight

I’m meant for castles and fairies
For enchanted forests and kings
A world where true love always reigns
And the animals all can sing

So take me away, Prince Charming
I’m growing tired of this world
This mistaken place I fell into
Where I’m just an ordinary girl

Let me ride on your white horse
Take me to where I belong
Don’t leave me here where I am cold
Where everything feels so wrong

And maybe once I’m finally there
I’ll no longer feel so alone
So prepare the castle, prepare the feast!
Your queen is riding home.

© Lily K. Lynn 2011

Skin Deep

Skin Deep

Her fingernails dig into her skin
She runs them down her face
Cursing the flaws in her reflection

She wants smooth, unblemished
Like those other girls she sees
Carrying the world on their palms

But she will never be those girls
She is tainted, damaged, flawed
The world swallows her instead

So she makes scars for herself
Staining her flaws with blood
In hopes they will disappear

She punishes her body
For not being perfect
She slowly self-destructs

She only makes it worse
But she doesn’t care
She will achieve perfect through pain

She is hollow, drowning
Red rivers stream down her cheeks
Bloody surrender to dangerous desires

It’s not enough, it will never be enough
Not until she is perfect
She must be perfect, perfect, perfect

Screams echo inside her head
She curses another day of her failure
Another day of imperfection

The world isn’t kind to imperfection
It shows weakness, a lack of will power
She will not be that, she refuses to

That line between
Perfection and obsession
Blurs and disintegrates

Soon she will be nothing but ash
Crumbled and burnt out
What is “beautiful” anymore?

But it doesn’t matter
Because she will be perfect
Even if it kills her.

© Lily K. Lynn 2011

I See You

I See You

I see you when I’m fast asleep
When eyes are tightly closed
It’s then I can begin to want
What I truly want most

I see you when I’m dreaming
This fantasy world of mine
Where our love is possible
And we’re together all the time

You know I see you everywhere
No matter if you’re there
You haunt what is my memory
My every breath of air

How is it then that when I try
To reach my hand to you
I find you are untouchable
No matter what I do

You break me into pieces
You make me feel so weak
I know I’m only meant for you
It’s only your touch I seek

I see you when I’m waking
I see you when I sleep
I see you in the dreams I have
In the books I read

I saw myself inside of you
You’re all I want to be
So even though I can’t have you
I hope you still see me.

© Lily K. Lynn 2011