Brown Tunic Girl

Brown Tunic Girl

Today I drove past who I used to be
The girl standing at the bus stop
The awkward boy with a too-big bag
Slung over his too-big top

The girl standing in the corner
Feeling out of place
The boy sitting on the bench
Wishing for a friendly face

I wonder where time disappeared
Brown tunics oversized
Then before I blinked, it turned into
Brown skirts rolled up too high

Yet here I am this very now
So far beyond that day
The age I thought I’d “know it all”
But somehow I’m still afraid

What a different world it was
To see through younger eyes
To feel that anything was possible
In a world not yet realised

Don’t you worry, boy and girl
You’ll all grow up someday
You’ll change into different people
Yet you’ll also stay the same

I’m not the person I used to be
But a part of me is still that girl
Unsure, uncertain, awkward still
As I make my way through this world

I had thought about death the other day
Somehow it was all meaningless
But driving past who I used to be
I thought, there’s still happiness

I was here now, I had come this far
I had changed, I had grown since then
In another five years, I’d be different yet still
And where would I be in ten?

And I smiled because that’s when I realised
It was an adventure just not to know
Things might be difficult right now
But the fun is in watching life grow

So I decided I’m going to stick around
And watch myself get old
Then I’ll drive past who I am today
For that’s how life unfolds

I suppose looking back, it’s plain to see
What seems meaningless is part of life’s game
But how can meaningless be meaningless
When nothing ever stays the same?

© Lily K. Lynn 2012

Caught

Caught

Caught between the you and me
The everything that we will be
A second is all that it will take
My dreams are traded for our awake

Nothing moves except your eyes
The spinning globe I see inside
Nothing sounds except our hearts
And I wonder when it all will start

Forgotten people all around
Life’s radio is turned on down
‘Cause here there’s only you I see
Eye gaze held with invisible beam

Our future rolled into a second
Hear it sing, oh hear it beckon
The highs and lows that we will have
The in-between, the good and bad

Then just like that the second dies
And you continue walking by
Strangers caught in time elapse
One day, I think, one day perhaps.

© Lily K. Lynn 2012

Lullaby

Lullaby

Darling, I see sparkles in your eyes
Staring at me so big and wide
With little nose and precious lips
I can’t help but smile whenever you blink

Your mother presses her nose to your head
She hums a lullaby to put you to bed
But you stay awake to observe the sounds
To look at all going on around

Your curiosity has me envious
You see the world as marvellous
Your innocence untainted yet
Nothing here for you to fret

Just listen to the lullaby
Dream of places you can fly
Oh, baby girl, protect your heart
Don’t ever let it break apart

Drift off to somewhere beautiful
Believe in those things magical
And stay there for as long as you can
For one day you will understand

Perhaps I’ll return there in the end
When nothing’s left here for me to mend
Perhaps we all go back some day
Return to that forgotten place

Sweetheart, hush now, you’re asleep
Listen closely to your mum’s heartbeat
Feel it move you for you’re alive
And let those sweet dreams take you high.

 © Lily K. Lynn 2012

Ring of Fire

In light of the most recent form rejection letter I received, I was going to write a whiney poem with a title along the lines of “Rejection, Dejection (and Form Consolations)”, but decided to spare you all and turn my misery into determination. Though “sparing you” might be overstating it. Query letter hell ain’t no fun place to be and I just got here.

Ring of Fire

Really thought you’d break me
Standing here in a ring of fire
Flames burning into skin
Making me grow brighter

Every scar burnt into me
Stings less with every blow
Makes me stronger inside out
Teaches me what I’m yet to know

I feel the heat choking my breath
But I said I won’t give in
It burns my body, but not my will
The pain brings me closer to the win

I look up at the sky and nothing else
And focus on the stars
Makes the flames hurt somewhat less
Makes me forget the scars

Seems a little fuzzy now
Seems I’m falling away
I close my eyes, and that’s when it happens
Those glorious drops of rain.

© Lily K. Lynn 2012

The Rat Race

The Rat Race

Walking against the hectic crowd
All around me are city sounds
The man in a suit with phone to ear
Runs through me like I’m not here

The woman hiding behind a smile
Faking laughs and faking style
She does what she needs to get ahead
Can’t wait to fall face down on her bed

People grabbing things they don’t need
Ignoring the homeless on the streets
Can’t appreciate a busker’s tune
‘Cause lunchbreak will be over soon

I’m frozen in a world I don’t know
People keep reaping what they sow
But what they reap is more of the same
And we look for something else to blame

Rigidity exists inside our hearts
This society of which we are a part
Breeding fears about what we need
Forgetting mortality until we bleed

What is this, why are we here?
What’s happening to all the years?
I’m stuck, I don’t understand this world I’m in
The things I dream considered sin

Who told you it had to be that way?
When did we cease living for today?
I hear it in everyone’s voice
But they tell me they don’t have a choice

I’d rather drift than have what they got
Trying to be somebody I’m not
I’d rather try to know my own soul
Than fit in to one of society’s roles

Otherwise, why do I exist?
Surely this can’t be all that there is
Surely, surely, surely
This can’t be all that there is.

© Lily K. Lynn 2012

Dreamcrasher

Dreamcrasher is my own made-up word. It refers to a person who tries to invade your hopes and dreams by poisoning your mind with negative beliefs about how you’ll never make it because it’s too hard or you’re not good enough etc. Dreamcrashers are very sly. They are often people closest to you whose advice you actually value. I don’t call them dreamsnatchers or catchers or stealers, because they don’t actually steal your dreams. They often pretend to be supportive, but deep down, expect you’ll fail. In moments of weakness, their true feelings about you spill out. Often they don’t even know they’re dreamcrashers. Their worldviews tend to be jaded by what they believe society is and what other people think of them.

Now I don’t want to badmouth dreamcrashers too much because often they’re people you love. I certainly do love these people, but sometimes it’s very difficult when you have conflicting views and the things they say are very hurtful. But to take a quote from the wonderful film The Pursuit of Happyness: “You got a dream, you got to protect it. People can’t do something themselves, they want to tell you you can’t do it. If you want something, go get it. Period.” So protect your dreams from the dreamcrashers. Take whatever part of their advice you think is right for you, but don’t let them rain on your dreams. Anything is possible if you don’t let people rob you of that all-important mindset that the world can truly be your oyster.

This piece is half word spew. I had a heated run-in with a dreamcrasher this morning and it totally just dampened my spirits. I need to get back into a positive groove.

Dreamcrasher

I see you, dreamcrasher, standing there
Pretending like you really care
Raining on my hope and faith
Telling me my life’s a waste

What wicked games you always play
What hurtful things you tend to say
Why do you toy with my mind so?
One day I’m up and then I’m low

Stop saying you believe in me
When the truth is so damn plain to see
You raise my hope then strip it down
And I’m back fallen on the ground

You say one thing, but mean another
And I hide myself beneath the covers
I don’t know whose side you’re on anymore
I’m not the same as I was before

Tell me, what is happiness to you?
Crashing dreams, breaking them in two
I told you you’re unwanted here
So take your negativity and your fear

Then leave me be, I didn’t ask you to come
To tell me my battles will never be won
I just wanted your belief, your faith in me
But I realise now that that will never be

Whatever you say, I see the truth now
I won’t cry no more, I’ll make no sounds
You’re a dreamcrasher and you will always be
No matter what you say to me

But my dreams are mine alone to keep
And you won’t take them away from me
You can put me down and strip me bare
Keep pretending like you really care

But they’re mine, they’re MINE, THEY’RE MINE to keep
They’re my damn dreams that I’ll achieve
So keep on going, keep being mean
Keep thinking you’ll get through to me

Let’s talk that day I prove you wrong
And you’ll know what I’ve known all along
Now keep on thinking your words matter
And I’ll keep my dreams safe from the dreamcrasher.

© Lily K. Lynn 2012

Foolish Girl

Foolish Girl

I didn’t ask to be born this way
Somehow my passion chose me
I didn’t ask to hear words sing
To have them yearn to be free

Don’t you think I know it?
How life would be easier
If I was satisfied with something safe
That it would make me happier

But living that way is like taking a bird
And locking it in a cage
Then tying its wings to its body
And never letting it escape

You brought me into this world to live
To experience the universe whole
To leave behind a better place
Before I get too old

You gave me voice, you gave me a heart
Yet no matter what you do
The voice and heart aren’t yours to tame
‘Cause they’re no longer a part of you

You think I’m not so terrified
But rest assured I am
But I also know I must have faith
I must believe I can

And know that I’m doing okay
I’m just fighting for my dreams
So please ignore the whispers
From people who think less of me

Life has a way of going on
Though you may call me a foolish girl
And years from now, I may just become
The fool who changed the world.

© Lily K. Lynn 2012

The Crevices

The Crevices

They tell us to hold onto our dreams
Don’t ever loosen your hand
They tell us to panic, to find a way
Or they’ll slip through the crevices like sand

It’s normal to want to change what’s wrong
To yearn for all that could be
We want certainty in the outcome
Yet the future’s still a mystery

So we cut ourselves and bleed our hearts
We sweat, we bleed, we cry
We’re desperate little beings, aren’t we?
When we struggle so much to survive

Oh, this can’t be right, this can’t be life
Happiness at living hell’s cost
Fighting blind like a foolish man
As if what hasn’t come is lost

So I’m asking the universe today
To help me let it go
I’ve put it out there and all that’s left
Is to reap what I have sown

The sand may escape through the gaps
Of the fist you dared to free
But as the sand falls to ground
It makes room for possibility

Don’t know when, don’t know how
But the emptiness frees your soul
See, the hardest part of chasing dreams
Is learning to let them go.

© Lily K. Lynn 2012

Mending Broken Dreams

I knew this would hurt. I knew it long ago far before I began querying. Yet somehow it’s still managed to hit me like a pile of bricks falling from the sky. That rejection from a supposed “dream literary agent” – it arrived in my inbox about a half hour ago. It was short… a simple “not for me” type thing. Still, I’m tempted to just burst into tears right now. I don’t think it’s the rejection itself. It’s just that it would have been awesome to have this particular agent as my agent, and I really thought she might like my story. I thought wrong! There wasn’t even a request for a partial or anything. Let’s just say it felt like someone had stabbed me in the heart with a dagger and was twisting it around for good measure when I had to cross her name off the list. So now I shall write a poem, get this melancholy out of my system. I REFUSE to get depressed over this. I just can’t allow myself to (and I REALLY want to, believe me. Being optimistic is more draining than you’d think). I just have to get up and keep going. I’ve shed my two tears over it, and that’s as far as I’ll let myself go.

Mending Broken Dreams

It’s hard to see your every dream
Slowly unravel at the seams
A broken heart, a broken soul
Feeling you will never be whole

The faith you had from yesterday
How quickly it can fade away
Expectations made a fool of me
Those things I thought I would always be

I wish they told me when I was young
That no matter how hard or fast you run
Sometimes the things you want will still break
They’ll shatter your soul, you give and they’ll take

I must keep running, though I’ve tripped now
I must get up though I’ve fallen down
I know this is just an obstacle along the way
And eventually I will be okay

The fall still hurts though, my heart still stings
I want to just give up on everything
But I can’t give in to the broken dream
I can’t let tears cloud what I could be

So I said to myself, “just two tears now”
You can wallow and cry and let them out
Then put yourself back together again
‘Cause this is just the beginning, you’re far from the end.

© Lily K. Lynn 2012

Horizon Man

Horizon Man

 If I close my eyes real tightly
I can almost feel
Your arms wrapped round my body
So gloriously real

Your eyes can paint an ocean
Yet they also paint my soul
You make me feel courageous
Through my heart I feel strength flow

You’re passion embodiment
You inspire words to sing
If I could be just half of you
I’d know I’d be everything

I can hear your breath speak softly
Somewhere close to ear
I don’t need your arms around me
To know you’re everywhere

I wonder what you whisper
So far yet close to me
I yearn for the words that part your lips
You’re all I cannot see

My hands reach out to nothingness
But my heart knows every truth
It’s not really waiting when you know
Your soul holds every proof

So I stand here in the in-between
The horizon is rainbow gold
I breathe the air and let it out
You’re everything I hold.

© Lily K. Lynn 2012