In a previous post, I wrote about that “perfect girl” we all sometimes wish we could be. It’s nice to be admired for being pretty and beautiful, but the reality is that we have no idea what goes on behind these projections of perfection. This piece is not so much about what the perfect girl may feel, but it’s a piece about being judged from the outside. We all know the saying “don’t judge a book by its cover”, but inevitably, we still do. It’s part of human nature to be attracted to beautiful things and it’s part of human nature to judge what we see. The boy with glasses must be a geek, the skinny girl must have an eating disorder, the quiet girl who keeps to herself must be stuck-up, the gorgeous girl wearing a mini skirt must be easy, that freakishly good-looking guy must be stupid because God doesn’t give with both hands etc etc. These judgements can’t be changed. I do it, you do it, even if we deny doing it. We can’t help it. We inflict judgement on others, and they do the same to us.
Goodness knows I’ve had my fair share, and as I grow and learn more about myself, I realise that not everyone will think like me and the way I project myself on a subconscious level tends to push people away. I’ve always been that quiet, reserved girl, and I’ve paid for it. I’ve tried drama classes, acting classes, and while I enjoyed them immensely and met amazing people, the only thing I can credit it to is giving me a bigger mask to hide under. I’ve learnt fairly well how to mask my social awkwardness, though I still have a long way to go. I have to remind myself every time I meet someone “remember to smile” “remember to ask them questions about their life, even if they are meaningless, because small talk is important” (FYI I’ve always been a “deep conversations” kind of girl). Maybe this is part of having the INFJ personality type – I don’t know – but this is how I must function. If I don’t do these things, I get seen as stuck-up and a party pooper and aloof. I hate this, because it’s not who I am at all. Sometimes, I think I see the world quite differently to other people and people don’t think about things the same way I do. It’s the only way I can seem to explain all this. During my exchange in Toronto in 2009, a classmate of mine said something to me that really just hit home. One late afternoon, while we were working on our documentary with the rest of our group, she just turned to me and said “you know, you’re actually a really nice person”. And that, my friends, is the story of my life.
This piece, however, focuses on the beautiful girl and the judgement she receives from the outer world. We know that we get judged for our weaker points, which is why I wrote this focusing on something most people would consider a good quality to have – beauty. How easy is it, really, to be beautiful? I don’t think this poem covers even half of that loaded question. Xx
Beautiful Girl
She looks into the mirror
And struggles hard to find
A picture beyond what’s painted there
The person she is inside
They always call her beautiful
The boys, they look and stare
She gets what she wants with the wink of an eye
But inside she feels so bare
Her eyes are really pretty
An angel walking on earth
She’s okay with being beautiful yesterday
Today she questions her worth
She asks if that’s what everyone sees
The picture painted outside
She gets what she wants ‘cause she’s beautiful
Her looks she cannot hide
She wants to be extraordinary
To charm with what’s in her heart
But they don’t listen to what she says
They don’t want any part
So her words they go unheard of
She learns to not say a thing
The pretty girl sitting in the back
Becomes all that she is
She looks into the mirror
And slowly dies inside
They all call beauty a blessing
But they never mention the price.
© Lily K. Lynn 2011