Dear Grandma

Dear Grandma

To my dearest grandma
This letter comes from my heart
I reminisce on memories
Of which I was never a part

Your daughter told me to talk to you
And it’d be wise to heed her advice
For those times I failed to listen to her
I always paid the price

 Sometimes she says I remind her of you
Though we never got to meet
She says you were beautiful and wonderful
Always thinking on your feet

I think you would know just what to say
As I feel like I’ve messed up my life
I want to go back and change everything
For I realise I’ve wasted my time

Yet I really don’t want to ask so much
For you must be busy up there
But your daughter tells me you listen
In times of her own despair

So first I want to say thank you
For bringing good things to my life
For giving me an experience
That makes me feel so alive

I never thought it would happen
Because I waited for so long
And though it’s just beginning
The lesson will make me strong

Now I ask for one more thing
To get me on the right track
I’m done with looking everywhere
And getting naught but two steps back

I think this might be right for me
I just wish I knew from the start
That I didn’t let fear get in the way
Of what was in my heart

It just seems mightily impossible
For train tracks can’t be jumped
I must need a little magic
To win a battle that can’t be won

I just ask for a small stepping stone
I promise to work hard for the rest
I want to live my world by passion
Though I may not be the best

I don’t know if you’re getting this
But your daughter told me to try
She said you answered all her pleas
And perhaps you’d answer mine

I think you know some secret
As you’re smiling from way up there
Maybe you’ve been watching all this time
I was just too ignorant to care

Maybe the sum of my experiences
Are leading to something great
This silly fear is stupidity
Like everything’s too late

So if you hear me, grandma
I just need a little light
A little guidance to see the way
To watch these dreams take flight

I wish I got to hear your voice
I wish I could see your smile
Thank you, grandma, with all my heart
Love from your grand-child.

Copyright Lily K. Lynn 2013

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Love Story in Your Head

Love Story in Your Head

I came across my old diary today
The words my old self used to say
Immortalised to memory
Is the way my old heart used to beat

I thought if I could go back in time
Would I change the way I used to rhyme?
The poetry of a little girl
Told lies of how love spun the world

He loves me, oh, he loves me not
One glance and then she’s just forgot
But one glance to her means so much more
Though his charm is but tall tales of lore

One day, she thinks, she’ll find her prince
And he’ll embody everything
Those parts of her she wishes won’t hide
He’ll draw them out from deep inside

One day, she dreams, things will be okay
Life won’t always be this way
When she’s grown up, it’ll be her time
And like the stars, she knows she’ll shine

But it’s all a love story in her head
And it’s hard to read back on what she said
Those things she desperately wished to be
Are but tales of a young girl’s fantasy

Those things she hoped to one day find
She didn’t foresee she’d change her mind
The world is a different kind of cruel
From the prison walls of her high school

I think if I could go back in time
I’d tell her she would be just fine
I’d say to keep writing what she feels
For writing makes it that much more real

As for the love story in your mind
Keep writing it, for it keeps hope alive
Now I came across my old diary today
I read it, I smiled, then I put it away.

© Lily K. Lynn 2012

Brown Tunic Girl

Brown Tunic Girl

Today I drove past who I used to be
The girl standing at the bus stop
The awkward boy with a too-big bag
Slung over his too-big top

The girl standing in the corner
Feeling out of place
The boy sitting on the bench
Wishing for a friendly face

I wonder where time disappeared
Brown tunics oversized
Then before I blinked, it turned into
Brown skirts rolled up too high

Yet here I am this very now
So far beyond that day
The age I thought I’d “know it all”
But somehow I’m still afraid

What a different world it was
To see through younger eyes
To feel that anything was possible
In a world not yet realised

Don’t you worry, boy and girl
You’ll all grow up someday
You’ll change into different people
Yet you’ll also stay the same

I’m not the person I used to be
But a part of me is still that girl
Unsure, uncertain, awkward still
As I make my way through this world

I had thought about death the other day
Somehow it was all meaningless
But driving past who I used to be
I thought, there’s still happiness

I was here now, I had come this far
I had changed, I had grown since then
In another five years, I’d be different yet still
And where would I be in ten?

And I smiled because that’s when I realised
It was an adventure just not to know
Things might be difficult right now
But the fun is in watching life grow

So I decided I’m going to stick around
And watch myself get old
Then I’ll drive past who I am today
For that’s how life unfolds

I suppose looking back, it’s plain to see
What seems meaningless is part of life’s game
But how can meaningless be meaningless
When nothing ever stays the same?

© Lily K. Lynn 2012

Lullaby

Lullaby

Darling, I see sparkles in your eyes
Staring at me so big and wide
With little nose and precious lips
I can’t help but smile whenever you blink

Your mother presses her nose to your head
She hums a lullaby to put you to bed
But you stay awake to observe the sounds
To look at all going on around

Your curiosity has me envious
You see the world as marvellous
Your innocence untainted yet
Nothing here for you to fret

Just listen to the lullaby
Dream of places you can fly
Oh, baby girl, protect your heart
Don’t ever let it break apart

Drift off to somewhere beautiful
Believe in those things magical
And stay there for as long as you can
For one day you will understand

Perhaps I’ll return there in the end
When nothing’s left here for me to mend
Perhaps we all go back some day
Return to that forgotten place

Sweetheart, hush now, you’re asleep
Listen closely to your mum’s heartbeat
Feel it move you for you’re alive
And let those sweet dreams take you high.

 © Lily K. Lynn 2012

Dear Man in Red

Dear Man in Red

I wished for a doll when I was five
It was all I needed to get on by
I left cookies and milk for the man in red
And like a good girl, I slept soundly in bed

I liked to put decorations on the tree
And believe in those childish fantasies
I liked the music, I enjoyed the lights
I savoured the excitement of Christmas Eve night

What happened to me over the years?
The world broke my soul and sent me to tears
Now all I want is to be left alone
To suffer through the cheer all on my own

It all feels forced, like a wired on smile
Fake merriment, so loathsome and vile
If I hear jingle bells one more time
I may just surely drop dead die

So do me a favour, man in red
Don’t drop down the chimney when I’m in bed
Unless you have something I really need
Like a kindness, some faith, a real good deed

Give me the tools to change this place
Give some hope to the human race
A doll made me happy when I was five
But a doll was all I needed, then, to feel alive.

© Lily K. Lynn 2011

Grow

I’m finally back. This one is a poem I wrote last year. I would consider it one of my word spew poems. As a piece of poetry, it’s not my best, but it was something I needed to write for myself. Sitting here a year later, I’m less confused though wondering if we ever truly “get it” in the end, or if we just continue to live and learn as we grow. Perhaps no matter how old we get, there’s no one day where you just wake up and feel completely self-assured about your place in the world. I feel it will probably get easier to navigate the world, but maybe there’s no one moment where it all comes together; maybe that doesn’t happen until we take our final breaths. Then again, I suppose feeling entirely self-assured takes the fun out of life.

Grow

I always thought I’d know it
When the clock struck at my time
I thought it would feel different
So why am I so terrified?

I never worried as a child
When I’d have to grow up one day
Because, I thought, I’d know it then
I’d know all my plans from today

I told myself I would feel it
Right to my very bones
Adulthood coursing through myself
I’d learn how to be alone

I laughed at everyone who said
There’s a child in all of us
I thought it would be easier
These decisions that are so tough

I thought that I would see the light
No mist, no fog would block me
The path ahead would be so clear
I’d know who I’d want to be

But today I realised it’s not like that
And time is ticking on
It all seems blurred by that misty fog
Yet my heart says I must move on

So now I know the truth of it all
I know that I dive headfirst
Not feeling light or self-assured
My head’s about to burst

‘Cause it’s not a matter of just knowing
When your time as a child is up
It’s the actions you are willing to take
When you finally want to grow up

Then you dare to step through the door
And face the challenges that come
Knowing you’ll probably be beaten down
And there’s no one to help you get up

With each fall you find you learn something new
You learn how to stand on your own
Collecting wisdom as you go along
In this strange new world you roam

Then perhaps one day you will understand
Everything your parents told you that day
You won’t be so terrified anymore
You will finally find your own way.

© Lily K. Lynn 2011

Five

It’s funny how when you’re a kid, you can’t wait to grow up because you think being an adult gives you more freedom to do anything you want. However, growing up means more responsibility, more owning up to your mistakes and while we may have the freedom to do the things we like, our worldviews become tainted by what we think we should be doing, opposed to just following impulsive instincts. Ironically, I think we had more freedom as children. As a young adult, I feel more bound by rules and conventions that hold me back. I feel that the world moves faster and sometimes I’m just a spectator of my own life. We never slow down anymore, we’re not fascinated by the small things that make the world we live in beautiful. It’s just a constant race to get to the top. What happened to dancing in the rain, examining the beauty of an intricate spider’s web, jumping in puddles, the feel of sand covering your bare feet and counting stars in the night sky? What do we live for anymore? It’s nice to be a grown up. It’s nice to make your own choices. But our experiences in this world darken the childhood innocence that was once there, and I think too often we forget the most important things we learn as children. This piece was inspired by one of my younger cousins, who I hope will continue to find fascination in places we have long overlooked. Xx

Five

I sit here silently pondering
Wake up secretly wondering
The answers to all that plagues me
Swallows me whole and becomes me

We’re not born to believe in enough
It’s always a challenge and life is tough
It’s easier to aim high when you are five
It’s so easy then to feel alive

Dreams are still dreams than can’t be crushed
All is seen with your eyes filled with love
You got the world locked safely in your pocket
Your parents with you in your heart locket

Ten years is so faraway when you are five
Still learning when to wait, and when to dive
No need to be great and have something to show
There’s just love, warmth and learning to grow

Everything is beautiful in your eyes
Untainted by those wicked lies
There’s nothing quite like innocence
Like crouching to smell a flower’s scent

Don’t care I’m wearing a princess dress
Because mummy says that I look best
On top of the world is daddy’s shoulders
Not the milestones that come when we’re older

Your laugh can cure the saddest frown
Cookies excite you when you’re feeling down
Dunking them in milk makes your day
Why can’t life always be this way?

If I could have a single wish
It would be just only this
The ability to see through my eyes
The world I saw when I was five.

© Lily K. Lynn 2011