The Twenty-Something Soul

The Twenty-Something Soul

It never seems like a mistake
Those moments you decide
You tell yourself it’ll be okay
And pay your sins with time

You pay them so very freely
For life hasn’t “happened yet”
You think you have more years to go
To live out your regrets

The signposts you meet are many
They point in every which way
So you sigh and fall down on your bed
“Just get me through today!”

Facebook makes you doubt yourself
Your friends are all engaged
Or they’re out there “living the dream”
While you’re stuck in this cage

That degree you got means nothing
That’s why you took off and took flight
Struggling to somehow “find yourself”
Through raging, sleepless nights

You saw the world with your own two eyes
And thought you knew it all
Never realising there’s only you now
To catch you if you fall

Heartbreak costs more than you bargained
Because now is when people change
Seven years down the track
He or she won’t be the same

Feeling like you know everything
Yet nothing at the same time
Watching as other people take that dream
The one that was meant to be mine

Change is constant and so is doubt
Those mistakes cost you a life
The life that you were meant to have
Those dreams you knew not you strived

Society punishes you for changing your mind
For trying to find who you are
You’ve caved when the highlight of your week
Is Friday night drinks at the bar

You just want to be “together”
You want the body, the soulmate, the dream
That apartment that’s yours and a job you love
A life that fits perfectly

Yet nothing happened how you planned
You keep digging a deeper hole
Pretty soon you’ll be close to thirty
With absolutely nothing to show

Bombarded with messages from the wiser
Disheartened by the young
Trying to find some footing in life
While trying to just have some fun

So kick down that darned signpost
Disable my Facebook page
Look ahead with peace of mind – ‘cause you know what?
I did my best today.

Copyright Lily K. Lynn 2013

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Dear Grandma

Dear Grandma

To my dearest grandma
This letter comes from my heart
I reminisce on memories
Of which I was never a part

Your daughter told me to talk to you
And it’d be wise to heed her advice
For those times I failed to listen to her
I always paid the price

 Sometimes she says I remind her of you
Though we never got to meet
She says you were beautiful and wonderful
Always thinking on your feet

I think you would know just what to say
As I feel like I’ve messed up my life
I want to go back and change everything
For I realise I’ve wasted my time

Yet I really don’t want to ask so much
For you must be busy up there
But your daughter tells me you listen
In times of her own despair

So first I want to say thank you
For bringing good things to my life
For giving me an experience
That makes me feel so alive

I never thought it would happen
Because I waited for so long
And though it’s just beginning
The lesson will make me strong

Now I ask for one more thing
To get me on the right track
I’m done with looking everywhere
And getting naught but two steps back

I think this might be right for me
I just wish I knew from the start
That I didn’t let fear get in the way
Of what was in my heart

It just seems mightily impossible
For train tracks can’t be jumped
I must need a little magic
To win a battle that can’t be won

I just ask for a small stepping stone
I promise to work hard for the rest
I want to live my world by passion
Though I may not be the best

I don’t know if you’re getting this
But your daughter told me to try
She said you answered all her pleas
And perhaps you’d answer mine

I think you know some secret
As you’re smiling from way up there
Maybe you’ve been watching all this time
I was just too ignorant to care

Maybe the sum of my experiences
Are leading to something great
This silly fear is stupidity
Like everything’s too late

So if you hear me, grandma
I just need a little light
A little guidance to see the way
To watch these dreams take flight

I wish I got to hear your voice
I wish I could see your smile
Thank you, grandma, with all my heart
Love from your grand-child.

Copyright Lily K. Lynn 2013

Reflection in the Mirror

Reflection in the Mirror

I wish I had a mirror I could look into
And staring back at me
Would be the reflection of myself
The way that I will be

I wish I could ask that reflection
If it was worth it to stick around
If amazing things, they happened
And what wonders has she found?

I’d ask her if she feels beautiful
And if anyone feels the same
Does she have the life we wanted?
Has she reached those far-out aims?

What of any regrets she has
What mistakes did she make a mess?
Or maybe the worst choices of her life
Became some of her best

I wish I could ask if I was on the right track
For my soul seems faraway
Floating above my physical self
And the decision I have made

I know the future’s not mine to know
But I see no horizon from here
My life’s an open book unwritten
And I’m charging toward my fears

I wish I had a mirror I could look into
So I can hear my reflection say
Keep going strong, keep hanging on
‘Cause you’re going to be okay.

© Lily K. Lynn 2012

Quirky Girl in a Constructed World

I’ve always sort of embraced my weirdness, but as I get older, it gets harder to accept your own quirks. Ironic, I know, since being “different” when you’re young can be a nightmare. But while it’s more of an external battle when you’re younger, I think the struggle becomes more internal as you get older. You fight with yourself more so than the outside world; and the question becomes whether you should change yourself so you can become a part of this society despite compromising your own beliefs, or whether you should just say “screw it” and keep on keepin’ on just the way you are despite if this means you may be alone forever. The world isn’t kind to those who don’t fit the mould, in spite of what some pop songs may say. I think being different and strange is wonderful, but it also sucks, a lot, because you do feel it, a lot, when you’re around other people and in all aspects of life – from career to relationships. Sometimes I just want to cave and spend the rest of my existence acting out my own life (I mean that literally), but other times I want to fight against it because I don’t really believe I should have to act a certain way just to fit into society so I can have the things I’m supposedly meant to have. What’s a girl to do?

Quirky Girl in a Constructed World

I’m still a little stuck here
I’m still waiting for something real
I can’t seem to scratch the surface
And let in what I should feel

I realised some time yesterday
That no matter how I try
I can’t be somebody that I’m not
For all I’ll feel is the lie

I once thought of it a blessing
But time has made it hard
It made a construction of a life
I didn’t want to start

The things that make me just myself
Are but curses I can’t fight
They may be great, but to the world
They’re my own undying plights

And they will make me lonely
And they will drive others away
For they’re outside of the construction
They’re a price that I must pay

I can’t be funny, I can’t be real
I can’t be strange and speak my mind
I can’t decide who I want to be
For I’m racing against all time

Curse the quirks, my mistaken face
The things that come out from my heart!
I may be kind, but the construction sees only
Those things that tear me apart

And people, they seem to fall away
Into the construction of the frame
They look at me and shake their heads
For I’m odd and a little untamed

So I guess I’m totally out of hope
For I’ll always be this girl
Sitting here with my dangling legs
Over the edge of this constructed world.

© Lily K. Lynn 2012

Rescue Me

Rescue Me

Purple and black spiral surrounds
I’m falling through these smoky clouds
My tears are rain that eclipse the earth
Searching for my own self-worth

Cold steel and shadows everywhere
Pelting through this rushing air
Wanting for a human hand
The warmth and hope of understand

The ground’s my only saviour now
For the heroes I sought could not be found
And I wonder if I’ll lose it all
I wonder if I’ll survive the fall

This can’t be how it’s meant to end
Yet I’ve used up my defence
Just show me who I’m meant to be
Un-blind my eyes so I can see

Fight for the pages left of my life
Don’t let them fall, keep them alive
Rescue me from this black eclipse
Don’t let me fall to the abyss

There must be something more to me
There must be more that I can be
This can’t be how the story ends
I must have left one last defence

So find my hand, if it’s not too late
Don’t let me stand for such a fate
Follow my voice, please fight for me
And wake me from this reality.

© Lily K. Lynn 2012

The Graveyard

The Graveyard

I woke up today and my reflection had changed
Bleeding remnants of what little remained
I wonder when society chipped my soul
And I was cast out for not fitting the mould

So I stand here at the graveyard of those taken in
Prepared to jump where they all have been
The bottomless pit calls out my name
My soul is now its whole to claim

My toes teeter on the edge of this hell
Black dirt reminds me of where I’d have fell
I watch it fall to the emptiness below
So terrified of the place I must go

I look behind to say goodbye
To tell the world that at least I tried
Yet the horizon takes my breath away
And I know that I’d rather stay

I wonder if I’m stuck between
A child and what they say I should be
Clinging desperately to innocence
And soon there’ll just be nothing left

It begins now, the path to insanity
I see the way they look at me
Just jump, just jump, they all say
That’s life, it’s just got to be this way

It’s not so bad once you’ve made it down
You’ll adapt, you’ll eventually come around
This hell you will learn to tolerate
So jump with us before it’s far too late

And soon hell will become but reality
Life prison disguised as liberty
Demons of mind guarding the gate
Ensuring you can never escape

Step back, step back, I tell myself
I can’t fall down to living hell
A pit they say that life should be
So jump, get buried, and you’ll be free

Jaded logic will be the end
And I’m losing what’s left of my defence
I must run again, I feel the urge to leave
Until I find that place I should be

I make for the gate, the horizon behind
I can’t let the graveyard take my mind
The ground opens and tries to pull me down
My screams drown out the heart that pounds

I unlock the gate and make it outside
Eyes dart round for some place to hide
But the graveyard has gone still once more
Silent as it was before

I watch the ground as I walk away
The demons have marked me as their prey
The graveyard hides where it can’t be found
And when you least expect it, it’ll pull you down.

© Lily K. Lynn 2012

Nameless

Nameless

 I’m physical nothing floating through air
A faceless creature drifting in space
Thoughts of dreams held long ago
All slowly being erased

Hollow eyes and numbed mind
Forgetting love and sadness
Taking over all of me now
Is nothing but this madness

Wish I knew when I disappeared
And became the ghost I am
Lost the spark inside my soul
Stopped caring to understand

Seeing nothing but empty shells
In the people that surround me
Meaningless venture they call life
Meaningless things they want to be

I hate this place that stole my name
That took my spirit and killed it
Ruby blood spilled everywhere
Piercing scream that sounded

The world wishes for me to forget
To become a puppet on a string
Go on without the name I had
Leave behind my everythings

It wishes for me to drench myself
In this game confined by rules
To become a chess piece on the board
To become another fool

But I can’t, so I guess I’ll be staying put
Keep watching the sun set in the west
I’ll continue to drift, to disappear from here
Until I become nameless.

© Lily K. Lynn 2012

Mediocre Man

Mediocre Man

He comes to you so stealthily
You never saw him there
Standing in the background
With his penetrating stare

He whispers to you in the night
Puts doubts inside your head
He takes all your ambition
And turns them into dread

He wants you to be like her
He wants you to be more like him
Because they’re fine while you’re still here
Holding tight onto your dreams

He tells you you’ll be safer with him
You won’t have to take the risk
You won’t have to struggle to be heard
And live life hit and miss

You don’t have to be special, he says
Not many people are
Just walk the path of mediocrity
No need to reach for stars

As a child, you feared the monster
Hiding beneath your bed
Now you fear the mediocre man
Who gets into your head

But don’t let him get to you
Life your life with possibility
Ignore his whispers because you’re meant
For more than mediocrity

Don’t be fooled by his pretences
By his safe, extended hand
Protect yourself, protect your dreams
From the cunning mediocre man.

© Lily K. Lynn 2012

Foolish Girl

Foolish Girl

I didn’t ask to be born this way
Somehow my passion chose me
I didn’t ask to hear words sing
To have them yearn to be free

Don’t you think I know it?
How life would be easier
If I was satisfied with something safe
That it would make me happier

But living that way is like taking a bird
And locking it in a cage
Then tying its wings to its body
And never letting it escape

You brought me into this world to live
To experience the universe whole
To leave behind a better place
Before I get too old

You gave me voice, you gave me a heart
Yet no matter what you do
The voice and heart aren’t yours to tame
‘Cause they’re no longer a part of you

You think I’m not so terrified
But rest assured I am
But I also know I must have faith
I must believe I can

And know that I’m doing okay
I’m just fighting for my dreams
So please ignore the whispers
From people who think less of me

Life has a way of going on
Though you may call me a foolish girl
And years from now, I may just become
The fool who changed the world.

© Lily K. Lynn 2012

Angels

I wrote this one in 2010. I don’t remember exactly why I wrote it, but that year was predominantly about “finding myself” (my true calling in life, if you will) and there were many instances where I felt severely lost. I tried a lot of things, but nothing ever quite “clicked” with me. I enjoyed some of the things I did, but it lacked that fierce passion behind it. Thankfully, this story has a happy ending and I feel very, very close to the life I want. Heck, I’d like to believe I’m already there. Live the lie, remember? 😉

Anyway, I think I scribbled this down in my special notebook after talking to my mum on the phone, or was it my aunt? It was one of them. I was going through a down time and felt like I had no reason to live, but then they called out of the blue and talked to me and restored my faith in the universe. I’ll always be eternally grateful for my friends and family – our walking angels on earth.

Angels

Deep within our struggles, it’s hard for us to see
The heroes that we are inside and all we wish to be
Behind the mistakes and challenges, it seems we cannot find
The strength that lies inside our hearts, the power of our minds

We look to heaven and plead out loud
Hoping the answers will be found
Calling for angels to help us through
To guide us in all that we do

But no angels ever seem to come
And it seems those battles can’t be won
You want to believe, but you’re losing faith
Feeling, always, like you’re one step too late

But then one day they say to you
You’re perfect already in all you do
They tell you you’re strong and beautiful
Amazing, together, so wonderful

They say these things about your life
That you’re so close to the gifts you strive
Inside you are all the things you yearn
The lessons in life that you have learnt

But who they are aren’t those with wings
Not quite those beaming, fantastical things
You find them where you’ve forgotten to look
They’re not those angels from fairytale books

They’re people in your life who believe in you
The way friends and family tend to do
They’re your angels walking on earth
Who see you for all that you are worth

Reminding you those things you have forgot
What you are and what you’re not
Restoring faith so you can believe
You’re already all you wish to be.

© Lily K. Lynn 2012