Ocean of Misery

Ocean of Misery

I’m so tired of waiting
For something to come my way
For this god forsaken universe
To listen to the things I say

Nothing’s ever right here
Nothing’s ever real
All I have are empty words
Surrender to all I feel

The world it keeps on building
The people move so fast
I’m stuck in one place crumbling
‘Cause I always finish last

A drop of hope in an ocean of misery
Does nothing to ease my mind
For as I swim here searching
It’s mostly misery that I find

The waves they pull me under
And no one’s here to pull me out
I want to stop kicking
If the ocean would let me drown

The bottom of the dark sea
Is as quiet as my screams
The water dulls my senses
And I lose all sense of me.

© Lily K. Lynn 2012

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Shadow World

Shadow World

I woke up this morning in a different place
My reflection showed a stranger face
Echoes of a world that I once was in
Broken remnants of all that’s been

This shadow world of darkened life
Strangles breath of what’s alive
Something’s wrong here, what is real?
Melting smiles and shattered wills

Everyone’s not who they claim to be
Their hugs send shivers all through me
I go along for I don’t want to be seen
All along plotting how to set myself free

Their words say one thing, their hearts another
Monsters hidden beneath their kind covers
And when they bite, their ugly heads rear
Their ferocious scream is all you can hear

The lines are blurred so easily in shadow
Misheard whisperings warped in its echoes
Resentment masked by cover of love
And nothing you do can be enough

So soon it is that you forget how to trust
So easily it all turns to dust
And you realise that you’re on your own
Your sins committed never condoned

The shadow world will swallow you
And there’ll be nothing you can do
So never fall here, never give in
Don’t go those places I have been

For here, the saviour is your sword
And you can never return to your life before
You keep it with you by your side
Always with you from day till night

You can never escape this shadow place
The answer lies in your stranger face
For it lives inside your very soul
Stays with you till your days are old

You can use your sword to cut it out
But you live life here so filled with doubt
Besides, what would remain but a gaping hole?
Burnt forever in your tainted soul

I wish I remembered how to smile
That I could escape the shadows for a while
But now I sleep with my sword by my side
And dream of the ocean changing its tide.

© Lily K. Lynn 2012

Fugitive

Fugitive

The world took all of me today
And rained down all my tears
What’s left is hollow emptiness
Raw sting of restless fears

Something took my colours away
And I’m so very cold
I watch the rain paint black and white
Grey stains in place of gold

And I wonder if it’s all my fault
I ruined what never began
Searched wrongly for my happiness
For I thought I’d understand

Now happiness despises me
Disappeared and called me a fool
Left me with no will to fight
With nothing left to do

Now I stay in limbo
Imprisoned in this place
Wish for heaven, but I must stay
For they won’t let me escape

I wanted to feel okay again
But joy has evaded me
It hides in a place so dark and gone
A place I just can’t see

And I just keep on sinking
As I try to change my own mind
Telling myself hope hasn’t left
That people can still be kind

But I realise it was never happiness
That really ran away
I’m a fugitive of my own life
From tomorrow’s impending today

And I just keep on running
And whenever I am found
They must tie me down and lock me up
And keep me tightly bound

They demand happiness of me
But I tell them she escaped
Go find her then, but don’t they know
It’s already far too late

Drowning in the rain that made an ocean
I swim up toward the light
I wish to break the surface
And watch my soul take flight.

© Lily K. Lynn 2012

Listen

Listen

She laid in bed till midnight came
Her pillow wet from teary stains
Once again they’ll never know
How deep she sinks till she’s so low

She tries to tell them what she feels
But they dismiss it as nothing real
Got more important things on their minds
They tell her she will be just fine

The joy she shares is always unheard
She tells the truth, they hear just words
Another time, another day
Since she was young, it’s been this way

Waiting till the clock struck nine
She gave up hoping for their time
Guilt silenced what’s left of her will
And it seems time’s always standing still

She hardly sees them anymore
They blame the world for all that’s torn
What’s whole for others is broken in them
There really was no other end

But it’ll be okay, it’s okay now
What was never there just can’t be found
She can never know if this is why
She’s always left one step behind

Now she’s afraid to even speak
To tell them ‘bout those things she seeks
Silly girl, what a silly girl
With grand delusions of the world

But what’s the point when they don’t hear
She keeps to herself those things she fears
This world always breaks her down
And she dares not make a sound

It’s midnight again and she’s alone
Always, forever, on her own
She closes her eyes and lies in bed
And thinks to herself those things unsaid.

© Lily K. Lynn 2012

Something Else Sunset

Something Else Sunset

She sits where the mountaintop touches the sky
And watches the sunsets pass her by
Each day she’s gone a little more
And it seems it’s always as it was before

Whispers from stars it might be all right
But time gave up her will to fight
Now all that’s left is for her to wait
And maybe, just maybe, it won’t be too late

She stares down at the world below
Those little things she used to know
She hopes for wings when she must fly
She hopes for heaven when she must die

Just something else, some other place
Where tears don’t constantly stream down her face
She yearns to feel that rushing air
To fill the void that’s her despair

The sunset will be her solace for now
Until she’s sure what’s lost can’t be found
Then something else may await her there
Beyond the sunset – if she still cares.

© Lily K. Lynn 2012

The Devil’s Dance

The Devil’s Dance

The sky is endless dream blue
But the harsh winds warn
Of the dark grey clouds
Drifting in from the distance

I wish to fall into black today
That spiralling portal
That leads to barren land
Where dreams cannot be cultivated

I wish to stand there and scream
Completely alone
And I wish for the torrid ground
To open up and swallow me whole

There I shall meet the devil
And he will tempt me with his charm
His enrapturing eyes, his burning heat
His false promises of redemption

What would you trade
for the things you want most?
Oh, what a clever man the devil is
What an enchanting host

 A life for a soul, he tells me
And he never fails to collect
Amidst the confusion that is my mind
I wonder: can life be without a soul?

His finger runs up against my spine
His fiery breath is toxic
He teases, he pleases, so I will say yes
So I will surrender my soul to his fire

Why should I be so special
For him to want my tarnished soul
Yet he twists me and I feel worthy
He toys with my heart’s desires

 As I scream “yes, yes, yes”
He fervently kisses my lips
And my soul leaves my body
His hand snatches it in the air

I awaken the next day, numb, tingling
Unable to remember
my dance with the devil

The sky is endless dream blue
But the harsh winds and grey clouds
Remind me of his presence

The devil lives inside of me
He burns a hole in my heart
He tempts me to surrender, but don’t you know?
He’s had my soul from the start.

© Lily K. Lynn 2011

Melancholy

Melancholy

Sadness takes over her soul tonight
It carries on from yesterday
and into tomorrow

Her heart feels like a weight in her chest
Every beat pulling her further down
till she becomes immoveable

She wishes she knew the reasons why
But sadness gives her no reason
Only torments her body and soul

Lost in an abyss of melancholy
The light fades further away
Soon nothing will remain but black

She is silent, she is still
But her mind is screaming
Can’t they see?

Yet she’d rather hide the scars
Than share the burden of her pain
with another

She smiles in the face of death
It doesn’t frighten her
This journey to the unknown

Life is precious, life is beautiful
But death is an adventure
she yearns to explore

Its darkness comforts her
in a way people cannot do
Too rapt in their own desires

She wishes to be released
from this prison that is reality
She wishes to drown

But as she stands on the edge
of the precipice
she cannot bring herself to fall

Her salty tears stain her heart
and her fear reminds her
of her own humanity.

© Lily K. Lynn 2011

Little Star

Little Star

I wish I had someone tonight
To gaze upon the stars so bright
And share the wonders of what could be
If life was a fairytale fantasy

Instead I stare at the sky alone
This is all that I have ever known
The wind whispers songs to me
About everything that love could be

So tell me a story, whispering wind
In a past life, who I might have been
Take my imagination for a ride
Grow me wings and help me fly

Then I will soar toward that star
That always seems to me so far
I’ll hold it burning in my hand
So I can finally understand

Maybe if that star was mine
I would finally feel I’m fine
That a part of this world is just for me
And reality’s a constructed fantasy

I’d take that star and shine it bright
Encapsulate our earth in light
So every soul can find its place
In this little star’s embrace

Instead it’s fairy dust in the sky
And I just watch it twinkle by
How odd this world can sometimes seem
How sad and beautiful it is to dream

I wish I had someone tonight
To gaze upon this star so bright
Perhaps if I was yours and you were mine
We’d fetch that star and together we’d shine.

© Lily K. Lynn 2011

Rain

Rain

As a child, I looked up to the sky
Asking questions about the way
The raindrops fell cold on my skin
Making me shiver with curiosity

My mother always told me
The rain might make me sick
The rain might make me sad
One shouldn’t dance in the rain

Rain changed and so did I
I was no longer curious at thirteen
On bad days, I cried with the rain
And told myself:

the sky is weeping with me.

 On better days
I wished to dance beneath it
With someone, anyone
Who might look my way, but of course,

no one looked.

 Rain is my friend now
It reminds me of loneliness
But it also reminds me
Of hot chocolate and a good book

So I think to myself
How wonderful this rain is

 It can delight, it can shiver
It can make you want to dance
It is sad, yet comforting
Lonely, yet shared

So I listen to the raindrops fall
And I wonder
what it will ignite
in my soul tonight.

© Lily K. Lynn 2011

Loneliness

Loneliness

I thought about loneliness today
For she’s been calling out to me
She whispers words into my ear
About all I’ll never be

She tells me I’ll be happier
Walking through life alone
She tries to pull my heart from me
For I must learn to be on my own

She says to take a look around
At the people that pass me by
“Do you really think they’re happy?
That it’s not just all a lie?”

She says to look at my parents
At how broken they’ve become
“True love?” she spites at the mere idea,
“Where ever did you get that from?”

Then she tells me the reasons why
I’m always turned away
“It’s because you’re not worth fighting for
They’ll look, but never stay”

She says it’s safer to be by myself
For love will just shatter me more
“You can’t take it, sweetheart,
All you’ll meet are those closed doors”

Some of us are just destined to walk
The path of forever alone
The sign that points to glorious love
Is a road we’ll never roam

I used to fight with loneliness
Whenever she’d creep up inside
But her words consume me more
Now I think she might be right

The more I see, the more I hear
The more she makes sense to me
So now she smiles and steals my heart
And tells me I am free

I know her taunts are just a game
To see if I will bend
To see the day when loneliness
Becomes my only friend.

© Lily K. Lynn 2011