The First “I Love You”

The First “I Love You”

I always wondered about the boy
Who would steal my heart one day
I did not think that boy would be
The man you are today

You kiss me and I turn away
For I’m a little shy
My coyness seems more than enough
To scare off other guys

But what’s shy to you is quirky
And the way you touch my face
Makes me want to hold onto
This feeling I can’t replace

You stole a part of me that night
That’s now just memory
You showed me something of yourself
That others don’t really see

I had dreamt of whispered “I love you’s”
But the way you said it that night
I don’t think it could have been better
It couldn’t have felt more right

I’m not sure what really took place
As you held me in your car
But something seems to have changed
As you showed me who you are

Now there’s a weight deep in my gut
And I think it’s because of you
I think that people call it fear
For now I’ve something to lose

Our lives they keep on changing
And who you are today
Is not a guaranteed forever
As nothing stays the same

Just know when I said “I love you”
It means our happiness comes first
As the past burns out and the future comes
Our feelings may disperse

But loving you means letting go
Should letting go be right
It means you see hope in one place
Where for me there’s just no light

But “I love you” comes with no regrets
And in my heart you’ll stay
The one who showed me something real
Who changed my yesterdays

You said you want me to remember
And now you’re a part of me
The boy who once upon a time
I fit with perfectly.

Copyright Lily K. Lynn 2014

Falling For You

Falling For You

You read my mind the other night
The thoughts in me I tried to hide
But lying with our faces close
My eyes gave away what I want most

You asked to know what’s in my head
For you know that my mind never rests
My eyes can’t shield what this has become
It’s too late now to turn and run

But I’m scared and just a little coy
A girl enamoured by a boy
So I smile and keep my lips shut tight
While your eyes glimmer with the moonlight

Yet you won’t give up so easily
You want to know just all of me
So I tell you, you must read my mind
To know what’s going on inside

You hint around and ask for clues
Is it a bad thought or is it good?
My hint is transparent as shiny glass
You somehow read my mind so fast

I don’t know how I gave it away
You speak the words that I can’t say
But the best part wasn’t “I’m falling for you”
It was hearing you say, “I’m falling too.”

 Copyright Lily K. Lynn 2014

F—, I Think I’m in Love

F—, I Think I’m in Love

I’m not sure what’s going on here
It came like a lightning bolt
Struck me unexpectedly
And put my heart on halt

I’d thought maybe it’d be nice
To live in a romance film
But I was a non-believer
I thought, “it can’t be real”

I kinda, just sorta liked you
If you know what I mean
I wasn’t sure if there was more
For it remained to be seen

But now I sit here missing you
And I just saw you today
There’s something tugging at my chest
Like my heart is child’s play

It tugs so hard a tear slips out
And I yell “F — I think I’m in love”
I’m no longer one person without you
My own company’s just not enough

I’m not sure if I should hate you
For making me need you so
I pathetically bury my head in the pillow
That smells like your cologne

And I think I would die if you knew this
I’ve played it so cool thus far
But I’m slipping from the rails here
Into everything you are

You know, I can’t function anymore
My life has become second to you
Everything becomes colourless
There’s nothing else I want to do

I know it’s so unhealthy
To become addicted this way
To live in a world that’s just you and me
To want you to always stay

The worst part is I don’t care at all
I want to fall into addiction
The ache inside just hurts so good
The strangest disposition

So I wrote this poem in some vain attempt
To get you out of my mind
But know that in five minutes
I won’t be feeling so fine

‘Cause I think I’m falling in love with you
[insert profanity of all kinds here]
I didn’t know I would lose myself this way
For that’s one of my greatest fears

But I suppose that’s just what falling is
Giving a part of yourself away
Replacing it with the part you gave me
We become connected this way

The feeling is new and foreign to me
And I may think I’ve lost myself
When perhaps I’m just changing
Into more of something else

I finally, truly get it now
All those things people said about love
The risk, the pain of heartbreak
The need to act so tough

But I’m in it now and it’s too late
It’s become more than just a game
Darn it, I’m in love with you
Now my life won’t ever be the same.

Copyright Lily K. Lynn 2014

You Are

This was in honour of Valentine’s Day – my first ever. I told him not to freak out when he read it. He read it and said something along the lines of: “That’s fine. I’m not freaked out at all. What do you think of my poem?”

You Are

You are what I wrote about
Before I knew your name
You are the feeling that I get
From words read on a page

You are the lyrics to that song
We heard on the radio
You are a lesson I never learned
But one I ought to know

You are kisses in deserted parks
And laughter in the rain
You are a midnight curfew
I always want to break

You are moments in life I dreamt about
That I questioned to exist
But if dreams were somehow reality
It would happen just like this

So forget this now, but keep it safe
Where no one else can see
For days you need reminding:
You are all these things to me.

Copyright Lily K. Lynn 2014

Completely, Totally

Completely, Totally

Beneath the intensity of this full moon night
He waits to peer into my soul
He wishes to draw that something out
The secrets inside I hold

He sees convolution in my mind
Words twined together like ropes
It makes it hard to speak eloquence
To tell him of dreams and hopes

Yet he wishes to know me completely
He paves way for me to see him
He gives his words so effortlessly
Underneath this moonlight dim

I envy how easy it seems to come
While words stay buried in me
My speech creates only new regret
How can I give totally?

I wait for more moments like this one
As we lie in sticky, sweaty mess
Evidence of our desires
Sharing one more hope and regret

Time is something that I need
To trust, to open, to love
To give up something inside of myself
When I’ve decided love’s enough

When our voices have faded out with the night
When breathing is all that remains
He presses his forehead against my own
And I know my life’s not the same

The words we said have past now
And what’s left is him and me
It’s this moment that I think, perhaps,
He knows me completely, totally.

 Copyright Lily K. Lynn 2014

The First

The First

I can’t bring back what could have been
That recklessness of youth
That yearning to fall so mindlessly
Within feelings misunderstood

I know now that I’ve missed that time
That time that became my own
Exploring so very fervently
These places far from home

I gave myself to the world then
And I let you walk on by
Perhaps it was fear that held me back
Perhaps it was not my time

That white dress innocence is gone now
I know love is not child’s play
Though it’s still a stranger to my heart
I see love in a different way

How can I explain this to you
Innocence against battle scars
Scars of time that went on by
Of feeling trapped by bars

Yet the scars on my heart are zero
I haven’t been tainted there yet
But I know the risks from wisdom gained
In playing this lover’s bet

You become my very first everything
First kiss, first touch, first love
First one I want to make see smile
‘Cause just your smile’s enough

So tell me what you think now
For though you are the first
I know you’ve loved before me
You’ve seen the best and worst

From where we are now standing
I know we should be the same
I should have loved before you
Someone must’ve staked my claim

But I joined the game much later
I am innocence to you
And every time you touch me
The feeling is so brand new

I may not be sixteen again
But what I missed out then
I feel it now with you by my side
Like this love will never end

And I don’t know if it’s better
To love now when I am wise
Or to yearn for total abandon
In my sixteen-year-old mind

So you told me I was different
And now you know just why
I’ve had no heartbreak in my life
No reason for me to cry

It all sounds good on paper
For there’s no need to compete
I won’t be leaving one foot behind
When jumping in with both feet

But know you are the first
The first that may break my heart
And I won’t ever be the same
Should love tear me apart

And if that should ever happen
Just know I’ll be okay again
I’ll even accept the reality
That we may not stay friends

This burden is the price you pay
For being first owner of my heart
You’re the first I want to give it to
Of me, you’ll always be a part

So before the heartbreaks and the tears
Thank you for showing me
For teaching me what it’s all about
For we’re making history

Let’s rule this world together on stars
See every single thing on earth
And at the end, should there ever be one
Just remember: you were the first.

Copyright Lily K. Lynn 2013

That Moment Last Night

I realise the title of this poem is awfully uncreative, but I couldn’t think of what else to call it. The title is exactly what this poem is about, so it is what it is!

That Moment Last Night

I think back to that moment last night
As you stared on down at me
The warmth of your body over mine
You whispered so carefully

Delirium takes over our minds
It tends to give me pause
You hold me close, press into me
Tonight, my heart is yours

You brush your nose against my cheek
Beneath the stars we kiss
Time stands still for you and me
Tonight, we just exist

Then you look me in the eye, say:
“What are you doing to me?”
I coyly smile, ask “What do you mean?”
As my heart beats frantically

That’s when I glimpse a part of your soul
As you tell me “You’re a wonderful girl”
I wonder if I’m in a movie now
Dreaming my own little world

But you say it so sincerely, you say:
“Don’t you think otherwise,
I don’t know what you’re doing with me
I’m just an average guy”

Words get caught inside my throat
A traffic jam from my mind
I try to think of all the reasons
As he asks me why

I think of his nervous laughter
I think of his goofy smiles
I think of the sweet things that he does
I think of his artistic style

It’s everything together
And all he did to win my heart
I’m ineloquent in expression
‘Cause I don’t know where to start!

So my mouth spills out generic
Something like “you’re a nice guy”
I think he means the things he says
So I tell him, yes, that’s why

We settle back onto the grass
And as we paint pictures with clouds
I think of things I should have said
If my brain would connect with my mouth

But I take comfort in the growing night
As I realise it’s just the start
We have the rest of eternity
To share what’s in our hearts

So I kiss his neck and close to his ear
I whisper quietly
I tell him that of all the places
There’s nowhere I’d rather be

He holds my hand and smiles
His warmth burns my defence
And I know we are thinking the exact same thing:
“I wish tonight would never end.”

Copyright Lily K. Lynn 2013

Stranger By My Side

Stranger by my Side

I wonder who he becomes at night
Before he lays to sleep
I wonder about his rainy days
And if he ever feels so deep

The masks we put on begin to crack
As time it passes by
Exposing the wounds and the flaws
Revealing all our lies

Melancholy consumed me today
And I wonder how he’d feel
I’ve never had to think of another
When I’ve felt so very real

I wonder why I care so much
When strangers are all we are
You can’t truly know a person
When you’ve only come so far

But he’s such a lovely stranger
Whose kisses I wish to keep
But something seems to hold me back
From jumping with both feet

My sadness can overwhelm me
I like to lock away and hide
I’ve taught myself resistance
In keeping feelings shut inside

Yet I know I must now be open
For if I never give my heart
Strangers forever is all we’ll be
And it will end before it starts

I fear misunderstanding
For I feel to the depths of my soul
Not many care to reach so far
To disappear in those black holes

Smiling feels like work sometimes
I just want to know him all
I wish I could see his melancholy
Before I start to fall

Those moments before we fall asleep
When we’re alone on rainy days
There’s no one else to answer for
No meaningless things to say

I think if he could know me now
And I could see him here
The strangers we are to each other
Would become a bit more clear

I wait for that moment I look at him
I wait to see it in our eyes
I wait for the day that he becomes
more than a stranger by my side.

Copyright Lily K. Lynn 2013

Rollercoasters

Rollercoasters

Memories return like flashing lights
Glimpses of that unforgettable night
Snapshots through my head like fire
Burning photographs of my desire

I thought of forever lying with you
Although my mind knows it’s too soon
The night was a crazy, endless fall
You broke in me what’s my heart’s law

I see your eyes staring down at me
You pulled me in and I fall so deep
Beneath the blank canvas of night-time clouds
We explore each other, ignore all sounds

You’ll never know how I try so hard
To keep a wall around my heart
I’m afraid to let you pull me in
And take me those places I’ve never been

You see, I wanted to keep a foot away
In case, to you, this was all just play
And I know it could all just fall apart
Before the best part even starts

I wish I could control my mind
Lock you away and compartmentalize
It’s not fair you have me thinking of you
Replaying our time is all I can do

I think you really might hurt me now
I want to leap, I’m fallen-bound
But I must not tell you, you mustn’t know
Just how far the fall could go

So these glimpses of memory stay with me
Until the day I can let you in
And you’ll finally know that all you did
Made me fall for you more than a bit

I hope that we will fall together
Perhaps slowly, dancing like a feather
Or plunging like a comet to ground
Yet the stars in the sky is where we’re bound

Take my hand because I’m afraid
You told me you don’t believe in fate
So you may not catch me when I fall
When you have broken down all my walls

Eventually, I’ll know that it’s okay
And it’s true what everybody says
That feeling of total helplessness
Begins with that of mindlessness

You take the risk and dive headfirst
That your decision will be the worst
But the pain of worst comes with the best
And I might love you a little less

To fall or not – can you really choose?
No matter what, it seems I’ll lose
So like those rollercoasters we talked about
I’ll risk the fall and hope to come out.

Copyright Lily K. Lynn 2013

Love Story in Your Head

Love Story in Your Head

I came across my old diary today
The words my old self used to say
Immortalised to memory
Is the way my old heart used to beat

I thought if I could go back in time
Would I change the way I used to rhyme?
The poetry of a little girl
Told lies of how love spun the world

He loves me, oh, he loves me not
One glance and then she’s just forgot
But one glance to her means so much more
Though his charm is but tall tales of lore

One day, she thinks, she’ll find her prince
And he’ll embody everything
Those parts of her she wishes won’t hide
He’ll draw them out from deep inside

One day, she dreams, things will be okay
Life won’t always be this way
When she’s grown up, it’ll be her time
And like the stars, she knows she’ll shine

But it’s all a love story in her head
And it’s hard to read back on what she said
Those things she desperately wished to be
Are but tales of a young girl’s fantasy

Those things she hoped to one day find
She didn’t foresee she’d change her mind
The world is a different kind of cruel
From the prison walls of her high school

I think if I could go back in time
I’d tell her she would be just fine
I’d say to keep writing what she feels
For writing makes it that much more real

As for the love story in your mind
Keep writing it, for it keeps hope alive
Now I came across my old diary today
I read it, I smiled, then I put it away.

© Lily K. Lynn 2012