The First “I Love You”

The First “I Love You”

I always wondered about the boy
Who would steal my heart one day
I did not think that boy would be
The man you are today

You kiss me and I turn away
For I’m a little shy
My coyness seems more than enough
To scare off other guys

But what’s shy to you is quirky
And the way you touch my face
Makes me want to hold onto
This feeling I can’t replace

You stole a part of me that night
That’s now just memory
You showed me something of yourself
That others don’t really see

I had dreamt of whispered “I love you’s”
But the way you said it that night
I don’t think it could have been better
It couldn’t have felt more right

I’m not sure what really took place
As you held me in your car
But something seems to have changed
As you showed me who you are

Now there’s a weight deep in my gut
And I think it’s because of you
I think that people call it fear
For now I’ve something to lose

Our lives they keep on changing
And who you are today
Is not a guaranteed forever
As nothing stays the same

Just know when I said “I love you”
It means our happiness comes first
As the past burns out and the future comes
Our feelings may disperse

But loving you means letting go
Should letting go be right
It means you see hope in one place
Where for me there’s just no light

But “I love you” comes with no regrets
And in my heart you’ll stay
The one who showed me something real
Who changed my yesterdays

You said you want me to remember
And now you’re a part of me
The boy who once upon a time
I fit with perfectly.

Copyright Lily K. Lynn 2014

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Falling For You

Falling For You

You read my mind the other night
The thoughts in me I tried to hide
But lying with our faces close
My eyes gave away what I want most

You asked to know what’s in my head
For you know that my mind never rests
My eyes can’t shield what this has become
It’s too late now to turn and run

But I’m scared and just a little coy
A girl enamoured by a boy
So I smile and keep my lips shut tight
While your eyes glimmer with the moonlight

Yet you won’t give up so easily
You want to know just all of me
So I tell you, you must read my mind
To know what’s going on inside

You hint around and ask for clues
Is it a bad thought or is it good?
My hint is transparent as shiny glass
You somehow read my mind so fast

I don’t know how I gave it away
You speak the words that I can’t say
But the best part wasn’t “I’m falling for you”
It was hearing you say, “I’m falling too.”

 Copyright Lily K. Lynn 2014

F—, I Think I’m in Love

F—, I Think I’m in Love

I’m not sure what’s going on here
It came like a lightning bolt
Struck me unexpectedly
And put my heart on halt

I’d thought maybe it’d be nice
To live in a romance film
But I was a non-believer
I thought, “it can’t be real”

I kinda, just sorta liked you
If you know what I mean
I wasn’t sure if there was more
For it remained to be seen

But now I sit here missing you
And I just saw you today
There’s something tugging at my chest
Like my heart is child’s play

It tugs so hard a tear slips out
And I yell “F — I think I’m in love”
I’m no longer one person without you
My own company’s just not enough

I’m not sure if I should hate you
For making me need you so
I pathetically bury my head in the pillow
That smells like your cologne

And I think I would die if you knew this
I’ve played it so cool thus far
But I’m slipping from the rails here
Into everything you are

You know, I can’t function anymore
My life has become second to you
Everything becomes colourless
There’s nothing else I want to do

I know it’s so unhealthy
To become addicted this way
To live in a world that’s just you and me
To want you to always stay

The worst part is I don’t care at all
I want to fall into addiction
The ache inside just hurts so good
The strangest disposition

So I wrote this poem in some vain attempt
To get you out of my mind
But know that in five minutes
I won’t be feeling so fine

‘Cause I think I’m falling in love with you
[insert profanity of all kinds here]
I didn’t know I would lose myself this way
For that’s one of my greatest fears

But I suppose that’s just what falling is
Giving a part of yourself away
Replacing it with the part you gave me
We become connected this way

The feeling is new and foreign to me
And I may think I’ve lost myself
When perhaps I’m just changing
Into more of something else

I finally, truly get it now
All those things people said about love
The risk, the pain of heartbreak
The need to act so tough

But I’m in it now and it’s too late
It’s become more than just a game
Darn it, I’m in love with you
Now my life won’t ever be the same.

Copyright Lily K. Lynn 2014

Between Heaven and Hell

Between Heaven and Hell

I hope you know what you’re in for, boy
When you asked me to be yours
Don’t think this is some lover’s game
That you can stop, start and pause

I think you knew it from the start
You wanted to be mine
You got a pencil for your life
And drew out all your lines

I told you I’m a wanderer
So chase me at your own risk
But once you have me, don’t let me go
For you’ve never loved like this

Like love that makes you levitate
That binds you in a spell
And you know that there’s no turning back
As we rock between heaven and hell

I’ll light a fire in your eyes
Like I’m something you’ve waited for
You’ll wonder how you ever lived
Without me here before

I warn you I’m the devil, boy
For I’ll get into your mind
I’m temptation tonguing innocence
And you don’t know what you’ll find

Did you know what you were asking for?
When you asked me to be yours
‘Cause I feel you falling deeper
And I know that you want more

I tried to keep a distance
But your persistence ravished me
Your heart beats faster in your chest
As you watch emotion bleed

I hope you know what you fell for, boy
I’m more than just a prize
You think that I’m an angel
But I’m the devil in disguise.

Copyright Lily K. Lynn 2014

Completely, Totally

Completely, Totally

Beneath the intensity of this full moon night
He waits to peer into my soul
He wishes to draw that something out
The secrets inside I hold

He sees convolution in my mind
Words twined together like ropes
It makes it hard to speak eloquence
To tell him of dreams and hopes

Yet he wishes to know me completely
He paves way for me to see him
He gives his words so effortlessly
Underneath this moonlight dim

I envy how easy it seems to come
While words stay buried in me
My speech creates only new regret
How can I give totally?

I wait for more moments like this one
As we lie in sticky, sweaty mess
Evidence of our desires
Sharing one more hope and regret

Time is something that I need
To trust, to open, to love
To give up something inside of myself
When I’ve decided love’s enough

When our voices have faded out with the night
When breathing is all that remains
He presses his forehead against my own
And I know my life’s not the same

The words we said have past now
And what’s left is him and me
It’s this moment that I think, perhaps,
He knows me completely, totally.

 Copyright Lily K. Lynn 2014

That Moment Last Night

I realise the title of this poem is awfully uncreative, but I couldn’t think of what else to call it. The title is exactly what this poem is about, so it is what it is!

That Moment Last Night

I think back to that moment last night
As you stared on down at me
The warmth of your body over mine
You whispered so carefully

Delirium takes over our minds
It tends to give me pause
You hold me close, press into me
Tonight, my heart is yours

You brush your nose against my cheek
Beneath the stars we kiss
Time stands still for you and me
Tonight, we just exist

Then you look me in the eye, say:
“What are you doing to me?”
I coyly smile, ask “What do you mean?”
As my heart beats frantically

That’s when I glimpse a part of your soul
As you tell me “You’re a wonderful girl”
I wonder if I’m in a movie now
Dreaming my own little world

But you say it so sincerely, you say:
“Don’t you think otherwise,
I don’t know what you’re doing with me
I’m just an average guy”

Words get caught inside my throat
A traffic jam from my mind
I try to think of all the reasons
As he asks me why

I think of his nervous laughter
I think of his goofy smiles
I think of the sweet things that he does
I think of his artistic style

It’s everything together
And all he did to win my heart
I’m ineloquent in expression
‘Cause I don’t know where to start!

So my mouth spills out generic
Something like “you’re a nice guy”
I think he means the things he says
So I tell him, yes, that’s why

We settle back onto the grass
And as we paint pictures with clouds
I think of things I should have said
If my brain would connect with my mouth

But I take comfort in the growing night
As I realise it’s just the start
We have the rest of eternity
To share what’s in our hearts

So I kiss his neck and close to his ear
I whisper quietly
I tell him that of all the places
There’s nowhere I’d rather be

He holds my hand and smiles
His warmth burns my defence
And I know we are thinking the exact same thing:
“I wish tonight would never end.”

Copyright Lily K. Lynn 2013

Rollercoasters

Rollercoasters

Memories return like flashing lights
Glimpses of that unforgettable night
Snapshots through my head like fire
Burning photographs of my desire

I thought of forever lying with you
Although my mind knows it’s too soon
The night was a crazy, endless fall
You broke in me what’s my heart’s law

I see your eyes staring down at me
You pulled me in and I fall so deep
Beneath the blank canvas of night-time clouds
We explore each other, ignore all sounds

You’ll never know how I try so hard
To keep a wall around my heart
I’m afraid to let you pull me in
And take me those places I’ve never been

You see, I wanted to keep a foot away
In case, to you, this was all just play
And I know it could all just fall apart
Before the best part even starts

I wish I could control my mind
Lock you away and compartmentalize
It’s not fair you have me thinking of you
Replaying our time is all I can do

I think you really might hurt me now
I want to leap, I’m fallen-bound
But I must not tell you, you mustn’t know
Just how far the fall could go

So these glimpses of memory stay with me
Until the day I can let you in
And you’ll finally know that all you did
Made me fall for you more than a bit

I hope that we will fall together
Perhaps slowly, dancing like a feather
Or plunging like a comet to ground
Yet the stars in the sky is where we’re bound

Take my hand because I’m afraid
You told me you don’t believe in fate
So you may not catch me when I fall
When you have broken down all my walls

Eventually, I’ll know that it’s okay
And it’s true what everybody says
That feeling of total helplessness
Begins with that of mindlessness

You take the risk and dive headfirst
That your decision will be the worst
But the pain of worst comes with the best
And I might love you a little less

To fall or not – can you really choose?
No matter what, it seems I’ll lose
So like those rollercoasters we talked about
I’ll risk the fall and hope to come out.

Copyright Lily K. Lynn 2013